Vertigo

     Today I will be attuned to the Reiki Master level. It's been a long journey for me to reach this point and I did not take an easy path. My cynicism, repeated painful experiences, and extraordinary experiences are all a part of this apex in this journey. 

    Anyone who has taken this path as a healer or intuitive guide of sorts knows that we have a tendency to be extremely hard on ourselves, but the truth is we are as human as we can be if not more.  Learning to allow myself to be human and still seek a path of a healer has been a hard to balance.  Balancing joyful things, pain, punishment etc. I feel pain and sadness through external forces that I cannot control. I love. That in itself for me has been extremely challenging and beautifully overwhelming.  To allow love in my life is something proven to be complicated and amazingly joyful. Balancing life in general. To deny that I feel does not serve me in accepting that I am human, and I can be a Reiki healer as well. The two must be accepted to continue.  Simply put you can't beat yourself up as they say.  That has been a valuable lesson for me to continue something that has brought me more balance, more joy, and essentially more love. 

    I look forward to what the future holds for me as erroneous as it may feel to me at this point. I can hope, plan, and put the work in for what I want to happen, but in the end, it will happen the way it should and that's ok too.